Twihards.

Warning: Actual relevant topic approaching...


I lied.
She of many faces and vocal tones (Kristen Stewart) has publicly admitted to cheating on a certain teen heart throb who looks like a foot. OK. We know this is bad, and I'm not gonna do my usual rant about celebrity gossip, what I want to say is this...
Apparently Twilight fans don't care that she cheated on him?? I thought these people were all desperately in love with him and want him to be happy etc etc...? Apparently there is a lot of love for Miss Stewart.
Ah. I wrote that after reading the comments on an article, which all said "it happens, he should get over it". I just found some better ones. This is more like what I was expecting. "#MyLifeIsALie" Haha! why is it? did you base your life expectations on a film or their actual relationship? If it's the film, then grow up, if it's the relationship, how? You don't know them, so how can you know what their relationship is like? People are so funny, sometimes. And sometimes my faith in humanity dies a little bit more. I was gonna find some more funny tweets, but twitter if now full of "Kristen smiled" jokes and people just retweeting the news. There are a few non believers though... they are amusing.
This whole thing has made me think about other celeb pairings that everyone  currently bums. Specifically, Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. Imagine if Selena cheated on Justin... I think the internet would implode from all the Beliebers having mental breakdowns. Then the real damage would start. With no internet to publicly threaten a Disney stars life, people would take to the streets and start rioting. There would be 14 year old girls waving petrol bombs covered in glitter outside Downing street, cycle-by deaths, LOITERING! Then the government would have to step in and take action, bring in the army, the country would get separated into 13 states, two kids from each one would have to brutally fight to the death every year while millions of people are forced to watch!!!
OK, that's the Hunger Games. I might have gotten a bit carried away there, but you get my point. Yes it happened, good for him for leaving her, get over it. The only people who need to keep going on about it are those who it actually involves. Basically, no it didn't ruin your life, just your perception of two people. Two people you have never met. I may have lied about the ranting too...


Pic courtesy of Potter Puppet Pals.

Fail.

Hello my virtual friends! How are we all doing? Good? Good, now back to me.
Ya'no in The IT Crowd when Jen wants to become the entertainments manager and everyone says "It's not for you Jen" at her? Well, I kind of wish someone had done that for me.
Actually I don't, if people had said that I wouldn't have tried and then I wouldn't know for sure that it wasn't right. Anyway basically, by mutual agreement, I no longer have a job. The manager realised I completely lack the confidence to do the job, asked me outright and I, being far to honest, told him the truth. I'm not going to say this is a good thing, because obviously it isn't, but it does mean that I can cross telesaleswoman off my career goal list, and I can say that at least I tried. I do believe that if you fail, that's fine so long as you tried. If you fail and didn't try, you have no right to be upset. If I had just turned the job down when I had reservations about doing it, A) I would have regretted it, and B) I would never have discovered for sure, what I thought I already knew. (yeah, I totally got Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat in my head then too. "I close my eyes, draw back the curtain, to see for certain, what I thought I knew.")
Basically I'm back to square one, but with slightly more life experience and self awareness than a week ago.
Just thought I'd fill you in, till next time then...
xx

Sunshine

I swear I get happier when the sun is out. Like the bright light and heat makes me somehow more positive and in a much better mood. I think that may be the main symptom of Seasonal Affective Disorder but we will gloss over that one and move on...
Today for the first time in about 3 months (not counting yesterday because I didn't leave the house until the evening) the sun came out and graced England with its majesty. It was so nice to just sit in a field and soak up the rays. I'm paying for it now, of course, but it was nice at the time.  I've had such a lovely day just doing nothing in a field in the sun, then sitting at my aunts house watching Ab Fab and drinking wine, the getting home to discover, thanks to the wonderful, Nerimon, that a certain book that I happen to know my mother, aunt and GRANDMOTHER are reading is actually... FILTHY TWILIGHT FAN FICTION! Don't get me wrong, I knew that the top selling book of the moment is actually porn, but that was all I thought it was, just erotica. Now my faith in humanity is so diminished I'm not sure it will ever come back. People are reading TWILIGHT porn opening and brazenly on the tube, on the bus, in the street! (yea, I have actually seen people walking down the street reading 50 Shades.) We all know what you are reading, you can't get away with it. I am worried about the world. When did it become OK to openly admit that you are reading this stuff? I don't want to know that half my family is reading it *shudder*. It's especially funny since my mum wouldn't read Twilight because it has vampires in it. This has actually made my night. I find it hilarious. Thank you, Alex Day for making me smile tonight.
On a slightly different note, does anyone know when I got over 2000 points on Pottermore? Not that I'm complaining, but I don't remember doing that.
Have fun reading your Twilight Porn.
xxx

This Post Has No Title

My first week is now over, (I know it wasn't really a week, but I'm a part timer) and I don't think I am any better at this than I was before. I'm not entirely sure I'm cut out for this type of work. I am not exactly a people person, I'm quite shy and not particularly out going. I am not good at holding conversation with people I don't know. This week has been hard for me.
I am exhausted. Who knew that 5 months being unemployed would mean 3 days of work could knacker you out so much? I am so tired this post may resemble the last one, in its nonsensical ramblings and unconnected...
So I thought I would fill you in on what has been happening. I have been given no training, so I don't know what I'm doing, I think they are just expecting me to figure it out as I go along. Today I have called 70 people. That seems like a lot to me, does it seem like a lot to you? Apparently that should be my hourly target. Yeah. That is ridiculous. How can you call 70 people an hour? That's impossible. You would have to literally listen to one ring then hang up, and forget talking to people, that would take far to long! Apparently the key to successful telesales is... enthusiasm. Who knew dull, bored sounding people didn't sell as well as happy believers? I have been told to be more enthusiastic 10 times today. I was not amused.
But I will persevere! ( I spelled that so wrong the spell checker had no idea what I was trying to write. It thought I meant "lip-service" for some reason.) Upbeat and positive thinking! Yeah!
In other news, I went out sober and actually enjoyed myself. I think this is the first time, sober or not, that I've had fun in a club. I don't like clubs as a rule. They are hot and over crowded and full of creepy drunk people and the music is generally dire. But tonight I had fun, and my friends made my week much better, so I would like to take this oppertunity to thank them for that. Not that they will ever read this. So yea... on that note I think I will leave and go to bed. Or go and watch tele or something. It's 1am but yea... tele... Zzzzzzzzzzz

First Day

I totally just bit into a tomato and it sprayed all over my bed. fail.
Yea, so today I started my new job. To be honest I was more worried about driving to a strange town alone for the first time and then finding somewhere to park for the day. I managed it, although I did spend 15 minutes driving round in circles wondering if it was safe to park in a certain spot or if I'd be fined or something. Eventually I did park there, so that was a total waste of time. Although I did leave about half an hour early, so by the time I decided to risk it, I was actually only just on time.
I know first days are supposed to be about admin and training, but today I didn't do any of that. I mostly sat around not knowing what to do. I did get to sit in on a photo shoot though, so that was cool. I seem to attract jobs where I don't really get an induction, just get thrown in at the deep end. I guess that's good on some level, you learn faster or something, but it is hard because you have absolutely no idea what you're doing.
I am so tired right now I have no idea what I'm writing about, so I guess I should scrap this and try again in the morning when I have some more cognitive powers. But where is the fun in that? How about I just auto type until I think I've filled enough space and then post it, forget that I wrote it, because I'm half asleep, and rediscover a masterpiece in the morning!?
Right now I'm trying to watch danisnotonfire broadcasting live on younow.com but his fan base is too big, and the site can't hold it. That must be strange. Knowing that so many people want to watch you sit in front of your computer and talk crap that the servers can't keep up. He broke the interweb again.
This is silly, I'm going now, I'm not being random enough to warrent humour, so this is actually going to be like a diary entry or something, but there you go, a quick glimpse into the life of me. I'll bid you goodnight and go and watch 30 Rock instead, coz I have to be up early: It's MOT day. Night xx

New Start

I just got a job offer! It's part time, it's far away and it's not what I envision doing with my life, but it's a job! Someone actually wants to hire me! YAY! I have spent the last 5 months fruitlessly searching, attending interviews that never go anywhere and being criticised by random people who think they are better than me because they actually have a job. Well guess what, Mr Man at the Job Centre who told me my CV is too brash and bold, I didn't change it and it worked *blows raspberry*! How do you like me now?! 
Ok ridiculous rambling enthusiasm over, time to get down to earth.
Basically I am now... a... telesales person. =/ Not in the cold calling, "would you like to buy windows", "claim now for PPI" sense, it's more after sale, telesales. Which is still annoying. I won't say which company has hired me to harass it's customers but I will say this: it's a large photographic endeavour with branches all over the country...
They only want me to work during the week, so I can still spend my weekends taking photos of all you lovely people on your happy days, such fun! =].
This seems like a good thing. It's a good thing right? I obviously will not be doing it forever, but it gives me a chance to earn some money and get the Job Centre off my back. It also seems slightly amusing to me that I start a blog then someone comes along and changes my life so that I have something to write about... it's like this is all somehow predetermined... (dun dun duuuuuun)!
Next Week on Jemmer's Life: Mandy gets a pedicure! Paul proposes, but to whom!? Jane uncovers the secret at the heart of the Wendelyn trial! Tune in for all this and more on Jemmer's Life!! Tuesdays 8/7c.

"Shipping"

Vague Spoiler Alert:
Being about 10 years behind the rest of the world, I have recently been watching The O.C. for the first time. I am about half way through season 3 and the whole Ryan/Marissa thing is really starting to annoy me. Usually I am so invested in a series that I start rooting for couples from the start, sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong, but at least I'm invested in the characters. When it started, yeah I was hoping Marissa would dump the rich kid and get with the cute, but brooding, guy from the wrong side of the tracks, who wasn't? But as time goes on I'm more and more uninterested in the relationship. I didn't really care when they broke up and she turned lesbian, I didn't really care when Johnny turned up and "threatened" the pairing and now he is dead and Ryan and Marissa still aren't happy, shocker. To be honest, now I kind of hope he gets with this other chick who has just turned up, (Johnny's cousin I think) and I don't really care what happens to Marissa.
So this whole O.C. thing got me thinking about shipping, where people want two people or characters to get together and in most cases make fan fiction about it. It seems lately that I'm always shipping the wrong characters, which makes me a bit angry when I watch the tele. I want Elena to get with Damon, so the end of series 3 really annoyed me. I wanted Zoe Hart to get with Wade not the Lawyer man, another annoying ending and I always wanted Zuko to end up with Katara, not the emo chick. So now I'm wondering if the writers do it on purpose? Of course they do, they specifically introduce characters and plots to make people keep watching right? So if that is the case, why am I so uninterested in what should be the main "ship" of the series? Everyone knows Ryan and Marissa should be together and the point of watching is to see them live happily ever after, but I just don't care. I was happy when Stefan left and Damon could make his move and I never once complained that Lemon was sleeping with the Mayor and it was unfair to George. Is this just the product of bad writing or is that actually good writing, getting people to support both relationships so that they can chose who wins at a later date? 
What is the point of shipping? Why do we bother to root for characters only to be disappointed? I guess that is why people create their own versions of these stories so they can watch their favourite couples finally get together and bring themselves some piece of mind.
I haven't finished The O.C. yet, so no spoilers please, even if I did just ruin The Vampire Diaries for you. I did warn you.

Teapots...

I like tea. Milk, no sugar. Why are the English the only people who have milk with their tea? What is that about, is it just that the rest of the world haven’t discovered the delights of adding milk to their tea, or is it that we have odd taste buds? It does seem like an odd thing to have happened. Plus how did we become the only nation to drink tea that is just tea. Not berry tea or green tea, in America you have to state which type of tea you want, how come you can’t just have a cup of Tetley? I think we are just weird. Or maybe it has something to do with the British air, like some combination of rain, clouds and petrol scares causes a nation to go mad for a cuppa?!

Teapots. They come in many shapes and sizes, novelty ones shaped like the pub from coronation street or Winnie the Pooh, what actually is the point of them? Surely your tea is just as good if you boil the kettle and leave the tea bag in the cup for a minute? Teapots just mean that the tea from the bottom of the pot is gross and treacly and the tea from the top hasn’t brewed enough yet. Thinking about it the only place I see the point of them is in restaurants where they can’t physically bring the kettle to you. 

Looking for an image for this post I found a HITLER TEAPOT! Who the hell made a teapot in the shape of HITLER’S FACE?! That is just wrong. I have lost faith in the human race that someone would do that. The Tardis Teapot however, restored my faith.

Before I leave, here is a quick teapot poem:

Dear teapots,

you are brilliant,

you come in many sizes,

many shapes,

you can be great yet you can also be non great....

because you can easily break,

and spill hot tea all over my crotch,

which burns,

like a summer day.