Directioners...

People should not ask me for directions. This is your fair warning.

I give THE worst directions in history. Even though I know where and what I mean, I can't articulate it and I don't know left from right, well I do, but I always say one and mean the other one, so I end up producing a jumble of words that if you put them in the right order might, vaguely, get you where you're heading, but not quite. For example:
"Excuse me? Do you know the way to M&S?"
"OH! Erm.... yeah. Go down there, turn left. NO! Right, sorry. Walk towards the big building with windows, I can't remember what it's called but you'll know what I mean. Then turn right and follow the road. It's opposite a pub, with a big building with wings on the right..."
"Thanks...?"
"No problem. OH! Sorry! I meant turn left not right."
"Er... Which right?"
"The first one."
"Down the road turn Left?"
"Yes. No!!"...
And so on until I succeed in confusing both the lost person and myself. I think I basically confuse people so much they just walk in the general direction I pointed and hope.
So basically, to the nice old lady who asked me for directions earlier: I apologise. And also to anyone else who has ever asked me to tell them where something is.

SORRY!! o_O