Time and Relative Dimension in Space

Time flies, doesn't it?
I looked at the last time I posted on here, apparently it was only 2 weeks ago. That isn't very long (obviously), but it feels like a lifetime. And in that lifetime I feel like I have done nothing of note. Of course I have, but that is how my brain works. If I'm not doing anything interesting at the exact second of asking, I will instantly forget that I've done something interesting or relevant. Just to redeem myself a little, my memory is bad at other times too. My friends are forever telling me things, and then 2 days later when I ask what they did, they look at me like I've suddenly grown scales on my face and in a very exasperated voice, tell me they went to the zoo, and that they told me three days ago. Well, one friend in particular. It's not because I wasn't listening at the time, I genuinely forget that people tell me these things. Names, birthdays, whether or not you're an only child. Nothing is safe. Erm... maybe that doesn't really redeem myself.
So what have you been doing with yourself?? I hear you cry in mock outrage and sarcastic wonder. Well...
- I've got a new job, somewhere I can't mention. (not because it's glamourous, just because they told me I can't mention it).
- I've had a photoshoot with a lovely local model, the pictures are amazing and I'll post them on my facebook page just as soon as I get my Photoshop sorted out, or I get hold of someone else's computer for a few hours.
- I havn't yet managed to fix Photoshop. There is still no explanation as too why it suddenly decides to freeze 10 seconds after opening. Thinking about it, I don't think I've mentioned this before. It's a new thing. Any hints would be welcome. Yes, I've tried reinstalling it. And lowering the performance usage.
Anywho... I'm off to the cinema, so Hoobledoodledo! I'll see ya later.
x

P.S. I heartily recommend Lawless. Unless you don't like blood. or Shia LeBeouf.

Disaster Movie

When did preordering become a useless thing?
Seriously.
In the olden days when you preordered something from Amazon or Play or any other site, it would be dispated about 3 days before the release date, so that it would turn up on that day. When I preordered the last 4 Harry Potter books, they turned up on the Saturday before they were due to be released!
I preordered The Hunger Games DVD in June, got all excited over the weekend, "Ooo Hunger Games is out on Monday! I can watch it, and all the Extras!!!" (because I'm a geek) "Wooo! I can't wait!" I got home from work: No parcels. Checked my emails: Dispatch notice dated 6AM THIS MORNING!
Thank you, Amazon.
You used to be cool man.

Walking Up A Mountain

I haven't posted anything recently because I haven't done anything worthy of informing the interwebs about. Or if I have, I have been unable to. 

Erm... What have I done... I drew some birds on the wall in my bedroom, moved my furniture around, bought some red jeans... OMG. These are the bestest, coolest, most comfiest jeans ever!! (not that you needed to know any of that, just thought I'd fill you in). 

What does one buy that girl who has everything? 

My friends birthday is coming up, I asked her what she wants and she said "nothing. anything." That is not helpful. Normally I would then listen to what she says very carefully for a few weeks to get some ideas, but no. This year, everything she wants she either buys there and then, because she has more money than she is used to, or her boyfriend buys it her. Which is lovely, but leaves me with no options. Help.

So, I think I'm down to as random as I can get. After all, she did buy me a "Toy Story, Create a Story" sticker box/book thing for Christmas. These are my options:

Ben 10.

Barbie.

Disney Princess. 

Disney (non princess).

My Little Pony (for the total abstractness. Neither of us is particularily into MLP. Or what ever the proper abrievation of that is, there is something about "brony" isn't there?)

Smellies. 

Scooby Doo. 

I can't think of anything else. Looks like it might be childish. I wonder what the Lego store has this year...

I looked. Much as I would like to get this for her...: 

It's not in stock. =[. 

Oooo! How about a proper My Little Pony?! With Brushable tail and everything!! Heh. I'll keep you posted, I should go, my mother is having a meltdown about the washing or something, I need to hide. 

P.S This really IS a ramble today. Sorry. 

Directioners...

People should not ask me for directions. This is your fair warning.

I give THE worst directions in history. Even though I know where and what I mean, I can't articulate it and I don't know left from right, well I do, but I always say one and mean the other one, so I end up producing a jumble of words that if you put them in the right order might, vaguely, get you where you're heading, but not quite. For example:
"Excuse me? Do you know the way to M&S?"
"OH! Erm.... yeah. Go down there, turn left. NO! Right, sorry. Walk towards the big building with windows, I can't remember what it's called but you'll know what I mean. Then turn right and follow the road. It's opposite a pub, with a big building with wings on the right..."
"Thanks...?"
"No problem. OH! Sorry! I meant turn left not right."
"Er... Which right?"
"The first one."
"Down the road turn Left?"
"Yes. No!!"...
And so on until I succeed in confusing both the lost person and myself. I think I basically confuse people so much they just walk in the general direction I pointed and hope.
So basically, to the nice old lady who asked me for directions earlier: I apologise. And also to anyone else who has ever asked me to tell them where something is.

SORRY!! o_O

Bournemouth

Yo dudes, you probably didn't notice but... I've been away. Gone. Not here.
Yup. I went to Bournemouth for the week and it was good. The sun did not shine, there was a lot of wind. It was very British tbh, but I enjoyed it.
I have drunk a lot of tea, eaten a lot of chips and walked a lot of miles. =]
Basically I'm telling you this because it links into the next bit...
You know a hotel is cheap when the carpet it 70's and threadbare, the wardrobe is hanging off its hinges and there is an avacado green bathroom suite, the sink of which is in the bedroom part of the room, not the bathroom part. Dated is not the word. It was like walking into a time machine.
Another thing I wanted to say was... It's a tradition in my house that whenever we go to the beach, we have to have Fish and Chips on the pier. Or near the pier anyway. So when I got down there, my friend and I decided to have lunch... £12 for a plate of Fish and Chips!?! That is daylight robbery. You can get them in any pub for half of that, why should being by the beach make it more expensive? If anything they should be cheaper, being "fresh" and all. I say fresh, it was probably shipped in from Spain or somewhere. Anyway, after careful shopping around it turns out this is pretty standard fare for fish and chips in Bournemouth. What a rip off. Take away wasn't much cheaper. And they were charging to get on the pier! Only 60p but the principle is the same.
This is a rambling sham of a blog. I appologise, I'm tired and sleepy.

Byeeee.... x

SN. I don't remember writing this, I must have been totally shattered.

Twihards.

Warning: Actual relevant topic approaching...


I lied.
She of many faces and vocal tones (Kristen Stewart) has publicly admitted to cheating on a certain teen heart throb who looks like a foot. OK. We know this is bad, and I'm not gonna do my usual rant about celebrity gossip, what I want to say is this...
Apparently Twilight fans don't care that she cheated on him?? I thought these people were all desperately in love with him and want him to be happy etc etc...? Apparently there is a lot of love for Miss Stewart.
Ah. I wrote that after reading the comments on an article, which all said "it happens, he should get over it". I just found some better ones. This is more like what I was expecting. "#MyLifeIsALie" Haha! why is it? did you base your life expectations on a film or their actual relationship? If it's the film, then grow up, if it's the relationship, how? You don't know them, so how can you know what their relationship is like? People are so funny, sometimes. And sometimes my faith in humanity dies a little bit more. I was gonna find some more funny tweets, but twitter if now full of "Kristen smiled" jokes and people just retweeting the news. There are a few non believers though... they are amusing.
This whole thing has made me think about other celeb pairings that everyone  currently bums. Specifically, Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. Imagine if Selena cheated on Justin... I think the internet would implode from all the Beliebers having mental breakdowns. Then the real damage would start. With no internet to publicly threaten a Disney stars life, people would take to the streets and start rioting. There would be 14 year old girls waving petrol bombs covered in glitter outside Downing street, cycle-by deaths, LOITERING! Then the government would have to step in and take action, bring in the army, the country would get separated into 13 states, two kids from each one would have to brutally fight to the death every year while millions of people are forced to watch!!!
OK, that's the Hunger Games. I might have gotten a bit carried away there, but you get my point. Yes it happened, good for him for leaving her, get over it. The only people who need to keep going on about it are those who it actually involves. Basically, no it didn't ruin your life, just your perception of two people. Two people you have never met. I may have lied about the ranting too...


Pic courtesy of Potter Puppet Pals.

Fail.

Hello my virtual friends! How are we all doing? Good? Good, now back to me.
Ya'no in The IT Crowd when Jen wants to become the entertainments manager and everyone says "It's not for you Jen" at her? Well, I kind of wish someone had done that for me.
Actually I don't, if people had said that I wouldn't have tried and then I wouldn't know for sure that it wasn't right. Anyway basically, by mutual agreement, I no longer have a job. The manager realised I completely lack the confidence to do the job, asked me outright and I, being far to honest, told him the truth. I'm not going to say this is a good thing, because obviously it isn't, but it does mean that I can cross telesaleswoman off my career goal list, and I can say that at least I tried. I do believe that if you fail, that's fine so long as you tried. If you fail and didn't try, you have no right to be upset. If I had just turned the job down when I had reservations about doing it, A) I would have regretted it, and B) I would never have discovered for sure, what I thought I already knew. (yeah, I totally got Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat in my head then too. "I close my eyes, draw back the curtain, to see for certain, what I thought I knew.")
Basically I'm back to square one, but with slightly more life experience and self awareness than a week ago.
Just thought I'd fill you in, till next time then...
xx

Sunshine

I swear I get happier when the sun is out. Like the bright light and heat makes me somehow more positive and in a much better mood. I think that may be the main symptom of Seasonal Affective Disorder but we will gloss over that one and move on...
Today for the first time in about 3 months (not counting yesterday because I didn't leave the house until the evening) the sun came out and graced England with its majesty. It was so nice to just sit in a field and soak up the rays. I'm paying for it now, of course, but it was nice at the time.  I've had such a lovely day just doing nothing in a field in the sun, then sitting at my aunts house watching Ab Fab and drinking wine, the getting home to discover, thanks to the wonderful, Nerimon, that a certain book that I happen to know my mother, aunt and GRANDMOTHER are reading is actually... FILTHY TWILIGHT FAN FICTION! Don't get me wrong, I knew that the top selling book of the moment is actually porn, but that was all I thought it was, just erotica. Now my faith in humanity is so diminished I'm not sure it will ever come back. People are reading TWILIGHT porn opening and brazenly on the tube, on the bus, in the street! (yea, I have actually seen people walking down the street reading 50 Shades.) We all know what you are reading, you can't get away with it. I am worried about the world. When did it become OK to openly admit that you are reading this stuff? I don't want to know that half my family is reading it *shudder*. It's especially funny since my mum wouldn't read Twilight because it has vampires in it. This has actually made my night. I find it hilarious. Thank you, Alex Day for making me smile tonight.
On a slightly different note, does anyone know when I got over 2000 points on Pottermore? Not that I'm complaining, but I don't remember doing that.
Have fun reading your Twilight Porn.
xxx

This Post Has No Title

My first week is now over, (I know it wasn't really a week, but I'm a part timer) and I don't think I am any better at this than I was before. I'm not entirely sure I'm cut out for this type of work. I am not exactly a people person, I'm quite shy and not particularly out going. I am not good at holding conversation with people I don't know. This week has been hard for me.
I am exhausted. Who knew that 5 months being unemployed would mean 3 days of work could knacker you out so much? I am so tired this post may resemble the last one, in its nonsensical ramblings and unconnected...
So I thought I would fill you in on what has been happening. I have been given no training, so I don't know what I'm doing, I think they are just expecting me to figure it out as I go along. Today I have called 70 people. That seems like a lot to me, does it seem like a lot to you? Apparently that should be my hourly target. Yeah. That is ridiculous. How can you call 70 people an hour? That's impossible. You would have to literally listen to one ring then hang up, and forget talking to people, that would take far to long! Apparently the key to successful telesales is... enthusiasm. Who knew dull, bored sounding people didn't sell as well as happy believers? I have been told to be more enthusiastic 10 times today. I was not amused.
But I will persevere! ( I spelled that so wrong the spell checker had no idea what I was trying to write. It thought I meant "lip-service" for some reason.) Upbeat and positive thinking! Yeah!
In other news, I went out sober and actually enjoyed myself. I think this is the first time, sober or not, that I've had fun in a club. I don't like clubs as a rule. They are hot and over crowded and full of creepy drunk people and the music is generally dire. But tonight I had fun, and my friends made my week much better, so I would like to take this oppertunity to thank them for that. Not that they will ever read this. So yea... on that note I think I will leave and go to bed. Or go and watch tele or something. It's 1am but yea... tele... Zzzzzzzzzzz

First Day

I totally just bit into a tomato and it sprayed all over my bed. fail.
Yea, so today I started my new job. To be honest I was more worried about driving to a strange town alone for the first time and then finding somewhere to park for the day. I managed it, although I did spend 15 minutes driving round in circles wondering if it was safe to park in a certain spot or if I'd be fined or something. Eventually I did park there, so that was a total waste of time. Although I did leave about half an hour early, so by the time I decided to risk it, I was actually only just on time.
I know first days are supposed to be about admin and training, but today I didn't do any of that. I mostly sat around not knowing what to do. I did get to sit in on a photo shoot though, so that was cool. I seem to attract jobs where I don't really get an induction, just get thrown in at the deep end. I guess that's good on some level, you learn faster or something, but it is hard because you have absolutely no idea what you're doing.
I am so tired right now I have no idea what I'm writing about, so I guess I should scrap this and try again in the morning when I have some more cognitive powers. But where is the fun in that? How about I just auto type until I think I've filled enough space and then post it, forget that I wrote it, because I'm half asleep, and rediscover a masterpiece in the morning!?
Right now I'm trying to watch danisnotonfire broadcasting live on younow.com but his fan base is too big, and the site can't hold it. That must be strange. Knowing that so many people want to watch you sit in front of your computer and talk crap that the servers can't keep up. He broke the interweb again.
This is silly, I'm going now, I'm not being random enough to warrent humour, so this is actually going to be like a diary entry or something, but there you go, a quick glimpse into the life of me. I'll bid you goodnight and go and watch 30 Rock instead, coz I have to be up early: It's MOT day. Night xx

New Start

I just got a job offer! It's part time, it's far away and it's not what I envision doing with my life, but it's a job! Someone actually wants to hire me! YAY! I have spent the last 5 months fruitlessly searching, attending interviews that never go anywhere and being criticised by random people who think they are better than me because they actually have a job. Well guess what, Mr Man at the Job Centre who told me my CV is too brash and bold, I didn't change it and it worked *blows raspberry*! How do you like me now?! 
Ok ridiculous rambling enthusiasm over, time to get down to earth.
Basically I am now... a... telesales person. =/ Not in the cold calling, "would you like to buy windows", "claim now for PPI" sense, it's more after sale, telesales. Which is still annoying. I won't say which company has hired me to harass it's customers but I will say this: it's a large photographic endeavour with branches all over the country...
They only want me to work during the week, so I can still spend my weekends taking photos of all you lovely people on your happy days, such fun! =].
This seems like a good thing. It's a good thing right? I obviously will not be doing it forever, but it gives me a chance to earn some money and get the Job Centre off my back. It also seems slightly amusing to me that I start a blog then someone comes along and changes my life so that I have something to write about... it's like this is all somehow predetermined... (dun dun duuuuuun)!
Next Week on Jemmer's Life: Mandy gets a pedicure! Paul proposes, but to whom!? Jane uncovers the secret at the heart of the Wendelyn trial! Tune in for all this and more on Jemmer's Life!! Tuesdays 8/7c.

"Shipping"

Vague Spoiler Alert:
Being about 10 years behind the rest of the world, I have recently been watching The O.C. for the first time. I am about half way through season 3 and the whole Ryan/Marissa thing is really starting to annoy me. Usually I am so invested in a series that I start rooting for couples from the start, sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong, but at least I'm invested in the characters. When it started, yeah I was hoping Marissa would dump the rich kid and get with the cute, but brooding, guy from the wrong side of the tracks, who wasn't? But as time goes on I'm more and more uninterested in the relationship. I didn't really care when they broke up and she turned lesbian, I didn't really care when Johnny turned up and "threatened" the pairing and now he is dead and Ryan and Marissa still aren't happy, shocker. To be honest, now I kind of hope he gets with this other chick who has just turned up, (Johnny's cousin I think) and I don't really care what happens to Marissa.
So this whole O.C. thing got me thinking about shipping, where people want two people or characters to get together and in most cases make fan fiction about it. It seems lately that I'm always shipping the wrong characters, which makes me a bit angry when I watch the tele. I want Elena to get with Damon, so the end of series 3 really annoyed me. I wanted Zoe Hart to get with Wade not the Lawyer man, another annoying ending and I always wanted Zuko to end up with Katara, not the emo chick. So now I'm wondering if the writers do it on purpose? Of course they do, they specifically introduce characters and plots to make people keep watching right? So if that is the case, why am I so uninterested in what should be the main "ship" of the series? Everyone knows Ryan and Marissa should be together and the point of watching is to see them live happily ever after, but I just don't care. I was happy when Stefan left and Damon could make his move and I never once complained that Lemon was sleeping with the Mayor and it was unfair to George. Is this just the product of bad writing or is that actually good writing, getting people to support both relationships so that they can chose who wins at a later date? 
What is the point of shipping? Why do we bother to root for characters only to be disappointed? I guess that is why people create their own versions of these stories so they can watch their favourite couples finally get together and bring themselves some piece of mind.
I haven't finished The O.C. yet, so no spoilers please, even if I did just ruin The Vampire Diaries for you. I did warn you.

Teapots...

I like tea. Milk, no sugar. Why are the English the only people who have milk with their tea? What is that about, is it just that the rest of the world haven’t discovered the delights of adding milk to their tea, or is it that we have odd taste buds? It does seem like an odd thing to have happened. Plus how did we become the only nation to drink tea that is just tea. Not berry tea or green tea, in America you have to state which type of tea you want, how come you can’t just have a cup of Tetley? I think we are just weird. Or maybe it has something to do with the British air, like some combination of rain, clouds and petrol scares causes a nation to go mad for a cuppa?!

Teapots. They come in many shapes and sizes, novelty ones shaped like the pub from coronation street or Winnie the Pooh, what actually is the point of them? Surely your tea is just as good if you boil the kettle and leave the tea bag in the cup for a minute? Teapots just mean that the tea from the bottom of the pot is gross and treacly and the tea from the top hasn’t brewed enough yet. Thinking about it the only place I see the point of them is in restaurants where they can’t physically bring the kettle to you. 

Looking for an image for this post I found a HITLER TEAPOT! Who the hell made a teapot in the shape of HITLER’S FACE?! That is just wrong. I have lost faith in the human race that someone would do that. The Tardis Teapot however, restored my faith.

Before I leave, here is a quick teapot poem:

Dear teapots,

you are brilliant,

you come in many sizes,

many shapes,

you can be great yet you can also be non great....

because you can easily break,

and spill hot tea all over my crotch,

which burns,

like a summer day.